Well, maybe not deja vu… actually, it’s more like a reoccurring headache… this evening I ate dinner with my parents. The TV was on the presidential debate. Now, my parents are Republicans, and expressively so. I believe that the choice to disclose party affiliation is personal preference, so when I was asked, I answered with that. My father proceeded to become angry because I did not declare myself an adament Republican. You can see where this is going… *flush*
I finally got sick of the badgering and berating of my opinions and beliefs (because I think it’s no one’s right to judge another’s opinion) and left the table. I said something like “I’m not going to take any more of this crap”; he said something like “What I say isn’t crap… you are…”; so, I laughed and left the room…
So, here’s what I really want to know… do you think any person has the right to judge another’s opinions and beliefs? What about acceptance from parents? I mean, should parents really be that explosive about something as insignificant as party preference?
Well… meditate on this, I will…
Wow, I actually feel somewhat relaxed, finally!! I just had possibly the most stressful day yet at my job. Now, I’ve only had this job for 3 months, so that might not be saying much… but, it was stressful, nonetheless. 10 hours of crazy crap will really do a guy in, ya know?
I opened a book today that I left unfinished, and surprisingly, I remembered the storyline well enough to not have to start over (yay!!). But, something I did notice is my perspective was different. What I mean by that is this: certain situations and topics triggered different responses and/or opinions from me. What does that mean (maybe I shouldn’t ask, lol)? I believe it to mean that I’ve changed as a person, even though it’s only been about 6 months… I’m hoping that it’s for the better… And I will quote a movie, simply because I can, mind you!
“Hope: it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength & your greatest weakness.”
Who said it? Why don’t you tell me, or at least guess, and maybe, just MAYBE, I will tell you you’re wrong! LOL….. 
Well, I am off to lose myself once again in a fictitious world full of, well, whatever my imagination wants (scary, isn’t it?)….
Well, lemme introduce myself again, for the first time… i am 19, i go to a local college to get my basics, hoping to transfer out of this state (maybe country, thatll come in a later post, if ur lucky :P)… i work @ a IT company as a network’hardware support technician… its alright, its a job, right? lol, gotta get school payed for, and i dig computers and such…
i have 2 younger sisters (middle school age)… i find myself wishing i was a better brother & role-model more, since i will be gone from their immediate vicinity sooner than expected…
someday i will get the nerve to do what i want in my life: i want to go to school @ USC or U of Hawaii… then off to a diff country… i didnt wanna do it b4, but i recently got out of a 3 yr relationship, so i feel like i need to do something for myself….
well, enough talk, now i go to listen to Incubus and do me some homework (can u hear the electric charge in my voice??? lol :P)
laterz……
Due to recent events, I find myself pondering ideas that I wouldn’t normally waste time on. Ideas such as: “How long does emotional healing last?” and “Is it possible to nullify feelings for someone without making your heart grow universally cold?”
The latter idea is my most distressing. I need to allow feelings for someone to pass in order to move on in life, yet I feel myself becoming hateful and cold towards everyone in general. I’ve been that way before, and I don’t want to be like that again. If anyone has suggestions, comments, etc., you know what to do (in case you don’t *sigh*, publish a comment for this post).
The first idea is not as troubling for me, because I’m not necessarily worrying about how long it will take. I’m more curious than worried, for I don’t want the healing to last forever. Yet, I feel that the two ideas directly affect one another. Surely if someone goes thru healing for too long, that person will grow content in feeling cold-hearted to prevent heartache again? That thought makes justifiable sense, yet it is not a favorable situation…
Ahhh, it will all work out, for I have told myself this for 2 years now, and nearly the only faith I put in anything is in this philosophy. Once again, more ramblings from myself…
Has anyone ever been heartbroken? Even worse, have you ever been told how someone truly feels about you, and it is the opposite of how they act? What about this happening so blindly that it feels as if you’ve just had Mike Tyson do one of his patented uppercuts into your stomach?
Heartache is, in my opinion (of course), the worst type of pain, worse than being run over by a Mack truck at 50 miles per hour, worse than being dropped off the Empire State Building. Of course, I don’t know how much pain those would inflict (I can guess), but I am certain they aren’t as much.
Yet, the worst thing about it is how it comes… it can be a simple sentence that delivers it… it can be an action… it could be many, many things. One of the worst has to be being in the presence of someone, someone who you care deeply for, and to see them laugh and appear happy. Then when you talk next, it seems like you are a piece of meat, someone who doesn’t matter to them. It even seems as if you are a chore, as if the phone call is something you have to do to get your allowance.
Oh, almost forgot… the ‘getting over’ part… the person who the heartache is inflicted upon goes thru this process… usually the other person does too… yet, what if that other person doesn’t, what if they are cold, and have no feelings whatsoever, almost like it’s a business decision? How would that feel??
Well, I can tell you this much, it must feel as if as you were falling from the Empire State Building, and a Mack truck hit you just before you hit the ground. And it’s a never-ending feeling, like a dream that happens over and over and over…
Maybe someday this dream will end and reality will return… a reality that has feelings and cares about you as a person… a reality that shows their feelings, not sums them up in a string of words shaped like a dagger…
Maybe someday that dagger will be given back, and the heart will be healed, and life will finally go on… someday…
